The Success Paradox: Triumphs and Turmoil

I’ve done it. I’ve finally reached the goal I had my eyes on for months. All the struggles, challenges, & friction I faced along the way is finally behind me. This relentless pursuit filled with struggles, challenges, and self-doubt is finally behind me. There were times where I thought I was making the wrong decision. The possibility of failure loomed in my daily thoughts. Despite the negative thoughts, I’ve come out on top. Before I can truly celebrate and be happy for myself, my mind automatically switches to the next goal. The next objective is already what I have my eyes on now. Yeah, my recent achievement was awesome, but I have more to achieve. This tendency to strive for more probably resonates with you. This is exactly how most of us live our lives. In this post we will dive into the root cause to understand this dilemma.

This tendency to strive for more probably resonates with you. What I am describing is not a “bad” thing. This tendency is probably what got us to even achieve our goal in the first place. I wrote this because I have personally seen that time and time again that my accomplishments have always seemed to be short-lived, no matter the circumstance. You might have always wondered why satisfaction always seems to be non-existent when it comes to your achievements.

This drive is deeply rooted in our human nature and can be followed all the way back to us being primates. If you think about how our ancestors lived, their primary tasks were to find food, shelter, and avoid anything that could be a threat. In an environment like this, this need to achieve more is directly correlated with their survival. Each acquisition meant more resources to aid survival. This is bigger than wanting an extra $20k to your salary. It was life or death. This is still in our DNA today and shape how we approach the goals and ambitions we have despite the situations being different.

The common solution to combat this will be to “let go” and Cultivate detachment. This approach is limited and won’t work long-term. Nobody wants to give up their desires and their ambitions. What we are all looking for is this sense of satisfaction that will make our success actually feel like success.

The Gap

The gap simply put is a window of time. This window holds everything you do after you achieve something before moving on to the next thing. If you feel little satisfaction after your achievements, your gaps may have nothing in them. In the gap, you have the chance to reflect on the experience, both the challenges and triumphs. Taking stock in your achievements allows you to appreciate the progress you have made. See it more as a space to internally celebrate for everything required you did to get to your goal.

This celebration provides positive feedback and fuels your self-confidence. You can then use propel yourself even further with your future endeavors. This moment of reflection and introspection is like watering your plants to help them grow. I have learned that the gap is beneficial for successes as well as failures.

The power the gap is that it opens portals of our minds to make connections between what it was we did right along with what we did wrong. This analysis is how we learn from our experiences and be able to make adjustments moving forward. Skipping this process is why a lot of people don’t learn from their mistakes. Constantly falling victim to the same circumstances while being oblivious to what they are doing wrong. For instance, let’s take Max, an aspiring entrepreneur who has once again failed at a business venture. Rather than using the golden opportunity to ask questions such as

1.     What did I do right despite the ending outcome?

2.     How do I feel in general about my current situation?

3.     What is it that I didn’t understand that led me to failing?

He immediately shifts his focus to the next business opportunity. Max believes that he just needs to work harder next time and that he was unlucky. Despite failing, there is a lot of insights he can pick up from his recent experience. A new perspective of things would serve as a compass for his actions the next go round. When you know better, you do better.

Now let’s take Apollo, an author who has recently published his debut book. It took him two years to complete the masterpiece, he explored the depths of truth, self-actualization, and personal growth. His book instantly resonates with millions of readers around the globe and boosts his credibility and status. Rather than swiftly moving on to the next piece of work, he embraces the opportunity for reflection and introspection. In the gap, Apollo poses questions such as

1.     What new skills and knowledge have I acquired during this journey?

2.     What challenges did I overcome to achieve this level of success, and how could I apply to other areas of my life?

3.     As far as joy and fulfillment, what parts of the process gave me the most?

By asking these questions, Apollo reaches deeper into himself and extracts more value from his experiences. This brings him more satisfaction for all the work he put in to reach this point. Skipping this step would of took away the richness of it. He can now move forward with a solid foundation that he can continue to build on to keep growing and progressing.

There are lessons to be taken away from both Max’s and Apollo’s story. You understand that there are desires and achievements driving you every day. You might be in a period where you really want to move up in your career or start that business. Do everything necessary, just remember to take moments throughout to reflect on the actions and results. Use the gap to give yourself permission to celebrate and learn from your own experiences. Embrace the moments of reflection, for it is in these gaps that we find the true essence of success and unlock our potential for limitless growth.